dear diary..

I know that there are finals that I should be studying like mad but although I look like I am the happiest person in the world, actually I am not.
I have gone through things that I cannot even imagine and now I am afraid, what else is waiting for me out there? Does this pain has an ending? I really wonder...

The Title

I wonder who is going to be the winner of the blog race :) There might be some surprises....

please come back 'the blogging spirit'

Although we have only 3 weeks left I am still hopeful about 'the blogging spirit' to come back.
Before the maths exam one of my friends called me and I was shocked because she supposed to be in US but she made a surprise and she came early. I was just happy. She made my day. Then I had the maths exam and it was pretty bad and it was my fault, I couldn't remember the things that I supposed to remember.
Last but not least, right after the maths exam I met Ayşe and we worked on our presentation and be prepared for our presentation because IT WILL BE WONDERFUL!!!

5. Stereotypes

I am just being honest in this post, I don't pretend that I am such a perfect person that has no stereotypes, even though I don't generalize people and judge them according to their specific characteristics, I still have some stereotypes.

Before I read:
My list of stereotypes for Asian students:
They work really hard.

Imm I guess that is all for my stereotypes for Asian students, I couldn't think of any other so, look I am almost perfect : )

As I read:
I felt bad when I realized that my stereotype for Asian students was same in the reading. Anyway, I would like to write about my theoretical and practical reactions. As anyone else in the world in theoretical, I will stay calm and try to offense myself and my ethnic background. I will be explaining patiently what I think and why am I right and why s/he is wrong. However in practice probably I will act like her.

4. It is all about the research paper, nothing special really.

I would like to write a research paper about the option three: adolescence.
I think this is not a surprise for especially Sonja and Can because I am acting as an adolescent lately.
If I do my work good then I could understand myself better.
As a result this research process will be very beneficial for me.
Since I will be analysing various aspects of adolescent identity formation in coming of age film(s) and/or novel(s) of my choice, do I need to decide those film(s)/or novel(s) by tomorrow?
That is it for now, have a good Sunday evening or have a good time whenever you read this post.

puf

I was going to reread the short story and the article and write a blog post about them. I have got too much to write about them but I have more buts...

It is almost 4 o'clock in the morning and I don't, can't, couldn't sleep.

Dear Elaine, what is the reason that keeps me awake 4 o'clock in the morning?
Why are you insipid and I am not?
At least I could manage to sleep....

2. Please tell me why Elaine?

Why did you run away with Benjamin Elaine? Why? Why?

Thanks to digitürk, I have watched "The Graduate" for several times but it was the first time that I watched it as a whole.
No need to mention that this movie covers several different topics from several different aspects.

I would like to start from the thing that made me think about a lot, I just can't understand why Elaine left with Benjamin. Everybody knows that he is wrong, she knows this, but still she left with him. I don't know he had an affair with her mother and this didn't stop her. I just can't understand. What kind of love is this? They say, love is blind and sometimes I believe this but in Elaine's situation, it is unbelievable.

About the phony adults vs real adolescents I believe it is very hard to draw a straight line between them because everybody is different and everybody changes. There might be phony adults and there might be phony adolescents. For example, the man Elaine was going marry was a phony adolescent. Moreover by having an affair with Mrs. Robinson doesn't make Benjamin's world more real. I believe there are some other things that will make their life more real. It wasn't even love..

About the generational conflict, I know it is a cliche but we have it all the time and now it seems very normal to me. Yesterday my mom told me that only I am going to be responsible for the mistakes that I did when I am young. The things she calls mistakes makes me smile but I try not to rebel, I try to understand her. I wish Benjamin and Elaine had a different story but unfortunately it is not possible.

I guess I will continue after today's class discussion..

1. A late post

I was going to write about this before but I just couldn't.
I was very happy to Sonja's smiling face on Monday and I will be glad that we are together, again.
Also I am happy that 4 of us are still in the same section.
I am sure Sonja will understand how I feel, now I have both Mac Os X and Windows in my Macbook, Valea and it hurts a lot.
I have Windows because of the program called Visual Studio for CS 201.
This ruined my first week, I waited for 4 hours without doing literally nothing.
Actually there were some other things that ruined my first week but anyway, now it is the beginning of the second week and everything will be fine...

Ha ha Haaaaa : )

I guess nobody will recognize this post but Sonja.

So,

Dear Sonja,

I feel wonderful wonderful wonderful : )
It is maybe because of snow, maybe because I can sleep now but I am just happy.
very very very happy : )

28. Goodbye

28 is my lucky number. I don't know why, I don't even believe in luck but anyway, I love 28.

This is my last post and I really don't know what to write.

I started to write about the things related to our course but then it changed a lot by the time.

I even wrote about my sincere feelings.

I don't like to say goodbye but goodbye everyone.

I hope everything that will make you happy will come true...

27. THE EXAM

I will be in FENS L045 in 90 minutes, writing my English exam but before that I need to do something more important.
Something that will keep me strong during the exam.
Something that will help me to gather all the information during the exam.
Something that will make me happy.
Something that will... ok that's enough.
Before the exam we are going to cook risotto in the kitchen.

I wish good luck to everyone. :)

26. Just a questionnaire

Hello everyone,

I found a questionnaire for a research project and thought that it will be nice if we help her.

It doesn't take that much time so here is the link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=eAEuY5w9HXaHD4zfPY5fpvKtBnPY5NQEiZHGkpa5NFQ%3d&

25. RadyoSU

I hope everyone is aware of that Sabancı University has a radio.
Like my fellow Ayşe, I and one my friend Nil are have a program.
Ayşe is the owner of the program called "İzlenen Nağmeler".
This program is between 21.00-22.00 every Thursdays.

Our program is called "Gece Kaleydoskobu Bahçesi".
I guess you think that it is a very interesting name and you are right this name has a story.
I hope everyone is familiar with the channel "TRT Çocuk".
This channel is for the kids and the ones who feel like kids.
In that channel there is a program called "Gece Bahçesi" and when I watch that program I feel very patient and peaceful.
Also I hope everyone is familiar with the toy called kaleidoscope.
We combined these two peaceful and colorful ideas and this is how the "Gece Kaleydoskobu Bahçesi" is born.

If you would like to listen it, go to www.radyosu.org and click "canlı dinle" then it will open.
You can listen us every Mondays at 20.00 o'clock.
Like dear Can, if you want to call and ask for a song for your beloved ones you are welcome.
If you are calling from the campus it is: 9475 and outside from the campus: 0216 483 94 75.

Lots of different songs and surprises are waiting for you... just one click.

24. Anything

It is getting late.

I was sitting and trying to prepare a poster for proj102 and I finished it.
I was at one of my friend's room.
I said goodbye to her and left.
I got out and I saw that everywhere was white.
I went back and told about the snow.

We were very happy.
Then I got out again.
I went to my room.
I opened the window.
I had cookies and milk.
I started to listen music.
I was watching the snow.
Everything was fine.
Then I realized that I was just sitting.
"I am not growing anymore, I am getting old."
Last year when I saw the first snow, I was solving a physics problem in class and I didn't wait for the break.
I just got out and played with the snow.

Now, I am still sitting inside. I feel cold.

23. The reasons for stupid things

1) Why am I happy always?
Because I have nothing else to do. It is the only thing that I do the best.

2) Why people drink alcohol or use drugs when they feel sad?
Actually I couldn't find a real reason because I cannot understand these people. Really why?

3) Why some people (like me and Nil) always go to every lecture and lesson?
Because we are here for this. What are we? Students or something else?

4) Why I don't use pictures in my blog?
Because I don't want to use pictures that are taken by others and I don't want to put my own pictures on the Internet. It is scary.

5) Why do some people decide what they want to do in their lives?
Because they don't have a good guide.

22. The end

If you have the song called "The End of the World" from Skeeter Davis, please listen it while reading this very short entry.

I don't like the ends and neither the starts. If you are starting something first you try to get used to it and then you get used to it and everything becomes "normal". When I started to the university, I ignored the idea that it is a start so I get over it very easily. I was pretending that it is a kind of continuity of the high school and I was feeling very comfortable.

I was very happy.

Then I realize that I get used to the university and this was not very easy face with because now I am aware of that everything has an ending. Therefore these 'pink' days will over soon. If we are happy then those days will pass by even faster.

It is the last week of the first semester and it will be the last week of the university soon.

So I guess I will never get used to be getting used to.

21.Expectations from the new year

I still don't know what I should expect from the new year but I know what not to expect from the new year so here is my list : )

1. I don't expect to win the lottery.
2. I don't expect a very high GPA.
3. I don't expect to gain or lose weight.
4. I don't expect happiness.
5. I don't expect luck.
6. I don't expect a perfect holiday.
7. I don't expect sober friends.
8. I don't expect a peace between me and my little brother.
9. I don't expect a clean dorm room.
10. I don't expect to sleep before 00.00 o'clock.
11. I don't expect to finish my homework, projects etc. before the last minute.
12. I don't expect a silent roommate.
13. I don't expect understanding friends.
14. I don't expect to sleep full.
15. I don't expect to find the better food at Sabancı University.
16. I don't expect to read every book that I wanted to read.
17. I don't expect to watch every movie that I wanted to watch. (ex: Avatar)
18. I don't expect to spend my time for the SPS, HIST and TLL readings.

These are all for now, I will be adding things to my list.

I only expect some unexpected miracles...

20.The Truman Show..

True man or Truman, who am I?

Just to warn you before, this will be a little bit depressing post.
I guess I mentioned this before in my old posts but I feel different about it when I watch a movie for the second time or read a book for the second time after years.
I don't know why but I don't like these feelings.

Anyways, I always feel sorry about Truman.
He was the only naive character that I have known in my whole life.
That's why he cannot be real.
No one could stay pure and clean.
If only there are lies..

Truman was the true man when he was in the show but when he left for the real life, he cannot stay pure and clean.
We don't see what happens after, they left it to our imagination.
But really, what happens to Truman afterwards?
Will leave happily ever after with the girl?
Will he have job, which pays well?
Will he have peace in his house or will he have a house?
He will be broken soon. This is the case.
He will be broken at the end of his life or he will be the one who breaks until the end of his life.
There is not any other case.

That is why I still don't know if I could be the true man or Truman..

in case I don't see you good afternoon good evening and good night...


here is the link for the final scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhfhPhPWAAQ&feature=related

the image is retrieved January 1, 2009 from:http://www.filmreference.com/images/sjff_03_img1000.jpg